Music to be Married By

As the wedding industrial complex would now have us believe, a couple getting married is beholden to their guests. It is no longer enough for a wedding guest to enjoy the sweetness of the ceremony, a signature cocktail while the newlyweds disappear for a chance for the bride to unzip and become reacquainted with oxygen, or the reception dinner with its “action” stations, chocolate fountains and ice sculptures of neck-entwined swans in love. The wedding guest is also required a “favor,” a la toast the couple, do a couple of rounds of “We are Family” and head out the door with a bag of almonds for your trouble. This trend actually got started by those superstitious Europeans of centuries past, where wedding guests would be given five color-coded almonds; the number to represent the indivisible nature of marriage, the color to represent the five wishes of marriage: happiness, fertility, luck, a Mercedes and a realtor in league with the Messiah.

Brides cognizant of this ancient tradition still offer Jordan almonds to their guests, but the latest in wedding favor trends by far is the mix CD. This is the grown-up, more sophisticated version of the 1980s mix-tape that was composed of songs taped off the radio by holding one’s “boombox” up to the stereo speakers after obsessively calling FM 100 to request that killer Atlantic Starr song. Today’s wedding CD is a surprisingly sophisticated affair with a clever, professionally photographed picture of the couple on the jewel case, a pithy title (Tony and Tina’s Greatest Hits!) and a laser printed list of the songs. This is where the CD as favor makes me shudder.

I am marrying a Music Snob who is marrying an unrepentant pop lover. On early dates I would be very careful to have the radio on a safe, cool-friendly station like KCRW, where I would hair toss and giggle to irish-african harmonica or station fundraising. But then I got lazy, and we’d turn on the car to find Gwen Stefani warbling proudly on Kiss – FM or worse- a Justin Timberlake CD. My fiancé is a musician, so a CD favor makes perfect sense (as does his loathing of ex-boy band members). But what to put on the CD that doesn’t forecast matrimonial doom? To paraphrase Nick Hornby, if his and her record collections can’t have a conversation, why bother? I am no better than my European fore-brides who sweated over making sure the right colored Jordan almonds made it home with every guest lest their marriage be mocked by those lightning-tossing gods. I can picture our cute CD with our cute mugs, and I can imagine the conversations on the way home: “Willie Nelson and The BeeGees? Tom Waits and Xanadu? Uh, is it too late to take their china back to Macy’s?

In my defense, the assortment I started to put together would be stamped with the hipster seal of approval – Al Green and Elvis to honor Memphis, our ceremony site, a little Lyle Lovett and Dolly Parton to extend the country metaphor. Some Madeline Peyroux Jeff Buckley and Nina Simone to round things out. But then I got worried. Would it look like I was trying too hard to be cool? I like every single song I selected but what about my family? Would they see through this charade of effortlessly cool matrimonial mixing, the same people subjected by me to Def Leppard, Bobbie Brown and yes, Atlantic Starr mix tapes?

I’m gonna let my trendier bridal sisters pose for their album covers and gleefully smoosh together Elvis Costello and Diana Krall (as no doubt they like to do themselves). Me, I’m gonna let my guests eat cake – or cookies that is – baked by my wildly talented cousin. Because when you consider that the average wedding guest has to pony up for a plane ticket, a wedding gift, a shower gift, hotel expenses, a new dress and hairstyle, they truly deserve a favor. So they’ll be taking home a little edible reminder of our day, one that’ll go down much more smoothly than Edith Piaf and Tupac.